A Warning for Future Dads

All dirty diapers are not created equal.

I didn't know this until I had kids. Then I quickly learned that there are at least 4 types of poopy pants. I've classified them according to "threat levels."

Threat level green - This is the kind of mess every dad out there prays for when he catches that first whiff of baby poop as Junior scuttles by. This is your run of the mill, solid turd that requires very little clean up--one or two baby wipes tops.

Threat level yellow - These steamers are a bit deceptive. They appear to have the same characteristics as their threat level green relatives, but upon closer inspection one discovers these bad boys are gooooeeeeeeyyyyyyy. You're looking at six to eight baby wipes to tackle the job. (These occasionally give themselves away by their pungent smell.)

Threat level orange - One word: diarrhea. Think runny. Watery. And the real problem here isn't so much the smell or the clean up, but the fact that it's easy to get on your hands. GROSS!

Threat level red - Explosive. Messy. Ends up in places you never thought possible. How did the kid wind up with poop...on her elbow??? When one of these stink volcanoes erupts, lay the kid on a towel (important), draw a bath, get 10-15 wipes ready to roll, and call for help. And by the way, your baby will need a new outfit. You might too.

So there you have it. Good luck Dad.